69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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