I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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