Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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