I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize