Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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