She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Your cock deserves a montage
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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