If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize