So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
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Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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