dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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