We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
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so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
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I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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