your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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