kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
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Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
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You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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