shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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