I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize