I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Tornado booty call.. dedication
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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