There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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