Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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