So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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