why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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