I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize