I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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