I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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