5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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