he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize