I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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