it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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