can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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