nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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