I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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