Sry I called you an 8
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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