so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
MIDGETS
????
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize