You can't motorboat a personality
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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