Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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