hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize