True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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