I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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