Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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