Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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