I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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