No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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