Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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