is your mom at the bar?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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