i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
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I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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