Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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