Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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