I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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