how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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