My first STD was from a foam party
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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