why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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