and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize